Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
