the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
