dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
