I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
