Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
