I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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