Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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