I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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