im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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