I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
