I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
