You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
