I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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