He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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