He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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