The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
