R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
