okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize