Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
