She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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