the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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