you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
