ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
