my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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