i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
