For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
