paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
