I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
