am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
