Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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