Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got chris browned last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
