How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
