I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
