remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need to get me chipped asap
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
