I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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