i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize