Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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