so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
