I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
