She is in my trunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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