there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
