i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
