to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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