i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to calm my uterus...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
