i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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