dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
