Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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