Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
