This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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