Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
