So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
