I need help removing her.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
