if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
