Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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