woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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