Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
