remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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