Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
