Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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