how can u be prego again
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
