I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
