My balls are so social today.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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