I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
