Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
