Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
