it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
