All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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