I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
