what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
