I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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