oh god the rape fog is back!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
