He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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