Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
