She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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