Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
