Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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