How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
