guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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